More Than Kitchen Duty

A lot of us women believe that the more time we spend doing house chores and cooking, the more our husbands will love us.

A dear friend of mine usually says to me, “Suffering has no competition”. What this means is that there’s no point bragging about how much you’ve suffered – suffering shouldn’t be a point for bragging.

I have since come to realize that it’s not about how much you can cook or clean that endears your husband to you. Contrary to popular opinion, there’s more to a man’s needs than Food and Sex.

I was having a chat with some newly weds, and the husband said his wife works late often, and when she gets home, he’d rather have her company than have her in the kitchen trying to fix him a meal!

There are other ways to reach the heart of your husband than Kitchen Duty. In fact, I have seen a marriage where the wife doesn’t like kitchen duty or house chores at all, it’s the husband that does those things, and they have a wonderful marriage. The wife adds value to the marriage in other ways.

As a woman, your value goes beyond cooking and cleaning – after all, a man can hire a maid to do those things for him.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to give your husband mouth-watering dishes and awesome sex, have a clean home and all that, but your value should go beyond that.

What gives you value? What is your husband looking for in you as a woman?

I have highlighted a few things here that I believe we should explore as women:

• Be a Listener: Oftentimes, we believe that we are the only ones who love to talk as women. Men too love to find someone they can pour out their hearts too sometimes. They want to find you ‘there’ for them whenever the need arises. Don’t let discussions always be about you, give him room to speak what’s on his mind.

“Her husband can trust her,
    and she will greatly enrich his life.” -Proverbs 31:11

• Be a Woman of Strength: Strength is not limited to physical ability to work, it extends to emotional and spiritual maturity and strength.

“She is energetic and strong,
    a hard worker…She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
    her lamp burns late into the night.” Proverbs 31:17-18

• Be a Good Adviser: A man desires someone he can trust to offer wise counsel whenever he requires it. Your husband will keep coming back to hear what you have to say when he knows that your thoughts and words are full of wisdom.

“When she speaks, her words are wise,
    and she gives instructions with kindness.” Proverbs 31:26

• Pay Attention to His Needs: Sometimes, as human beings, we can get overwhelmed by our immediate challenges, that we aren’t able to see the needs of others. As a woman, it is easier for us to multitask, we should pay attention to what goes on around us, whether it is convenient or not. Show your husband that you care about his needs too, not just about the next thing you’re planning to buy for the home, or for the kids or for yourself. Focus on him too.

“She carefully watches everything in her household…” Proverbs 31:27

A man will be willing to compromise those usual ‘basic needs’ sometimes if he knows that he’ll be able to get these ‘higher needs’ from his wife. He wants to be proud of you too!

“Reward her for all she has done.
    Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.” – Proverbs 31:31

May God continually endow us with wisdom to give the best of ourselves – even beyond the kitchen.

Oluseye Ashiru