He Cheated – How To Handle Infidelity In Marriage 2

Other than loosing a spouse to death, one of the most trying moments of any marriage is when there is an issue of infidelity.  It’s true that trust has been betrayed, and the human in us wants to take revenge, or at least hurt back in the way we’ve been hurt, we must just stay strong and behave like the children of God that we are.

Now that the facts have been established concerning your husband’s affair, as discussed in the previous post on How To handle Infidelity, and the clear situation of things have been seen, what are the next steps to be taken?

If it’s a situation where only you have found out about the affair and your spouse does not know that you know, there’s still the issue of How to Confront your spouse with the details you have established.

How Do You Confront Your Spouse?

• Pray For Your Spouse more than Ever Before: Yes, it’s difficult. He’s hurt you and you are angry and upset. As long as you wish for your marriage to continue, it’s good that you Pray for your spouse to be genuinely repentant and to also pray for the meeting you will be having with Him. You want to pray that God will take charge of the meeting, and to also ask for strength not to be ‘wishy washy’ and too emotional when you’re confronting your spouse.
• Confront from a Position of Strength and Self – Assurance: By now, you know all the facts of the situation, and you’re sure that your husband is indeed having an affair. It is important that you know what you want to do before you confront your spouse. You need to be clear in your convictions and you need to stay calm and cool. If you are not yet calm, don’t confront your spouse. It seems easier said than done, but with this, you can’t reason well if you’re visibly upset and emotional. You shouldn’t go there whining or begging, you need to be strong for this meeting with him.
• Confront Directly and Honestly: You already know he’s having an affair, or he had an affair. You need to sit him down and have a talk with him. Choose a private meeting place where you’re sure there will be no distractions or interruptions. Let your spouse know that you’re aware of what is going on and state the facts of the case. Inform him that you’re making plans of your own about it and that you will be taking time to sort out yourself on it.
• Give him an opportunity to also air his own thoughts: Note that his denial is not even in question here, as you already established the fact that he’s indeed cheating. This is the time to let him know what your stand is. Ask him if the affair is something he still wants to pursue or if he’s willing to give it up and rebuild the marriage relationship with you.  Give him some time to think about the decision he needs to make concerning this, but give him a deadline as to when he needs to get back to you on this.

Whatever decision he makes will determine the future of your relationship. As long as he’s willing to work with you on it, there’s still hope for your marriage.

Remember, this is the time to have someone you can truly trust like a Dear Friend and of course your Christian counselor. The journey to recovery won’t be immediate and you need all the support you can get.

Don’t give up. God is your strength.

To Be Continued In The Next Post:

He Cheated – How To Handle Infidelity In Marriage 3

Love,

Oluseye Ashiru