Parenting By Comparison

Life is complicated enough as it is. Then add the stress of comparing one child to the other!

It’s either you’re comparing one of your kids to the other or you’re comparing one of your friend’s children to yours. Admit it all Moms are guilty one way or the other.

If you’re like the average mom, then you always believe that one mom has it all together and she never makes a mistake with any of her kids and that everything always seems to be perfect for her.  She has a perfect husband, a perfect job, a perfect home, and perfect kids…

When mom’s gather together the conversations usually tend towards their kids.  While some brag about theirs others may just be wondering when they or their kids will be able to pull off all these wonderful feats.

From the time a child is born there’s constant competition to see how fast they’ll grow. If they’ll be a super baby and start speaking straight from the womb or if they’ll be able to walk or even run at 6 months, or If we can already see the genius traits in them. ..

Mom, can we please spare ourselves the drama and unnecessary pressure? We don’t need it.

Do we realize that there’ll always be super babies who seem to be ahead of their times and on the other hand there’ll be those babies who seem to be behind on everything?

How you handle the development of your child will go a long way in affecting that child as he grows older.  A child can sense when the parents feel he’s not good enough, because they’ll always be trying to push him too hard to keep up with their idea of the ‘ideal child’.

So if you’re that Mom who is trying to break the cycle of comparison how can you motivate yourself to do so?

• Realize that each child is different, no two children can ever be the same, not even identical twins.
• Consciously and deliberately refuse to be drawn into conversations that always tend to discouraging comparisons between your children or between your child and another child
• Know that the fact that your child isn’t developing as fast as you believe he should, has no bearing on how his future will be. Most kids who start out with slower development go on to even out with their peers as time goes on
• Major on the strengths of your child and play down their weaknesses. After all no one is perfect
• Consciously praise your child for every achievement no matter how little. That will help to boost his self confidence
• Realize that everyone has a different parenting style and method. Use whatever works for you as long as you are going to get your desired results.
• Lastly the grass isn’t always as green as it looks on the other side, or should I say as it looks on Instagram and on Facebook. Those are photo shopped Mom!

If your concerns are bothering you though, and it has to do with physical or mental developmental delays,  by all means please seek professional help. let your Maternal instincts guide you on this note.

So, dear Mom, stop using the yardstick of others to judge how your life or your kids should be. Compare yourself to the best of your own standards.

Keep helping your child to be the best that he was born to be.

We are in this together,

Oluseye Ashiru